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Parents - Why must this always be a dirty word? | Coaching Children (Ages 5-12) | ConnectedCoaches

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Home » Groups » Coaching Children (Ages 5-12) » blogs » Rich Bland » Parents - Why must this always be a dirty word?
Coaching Children (Ages 5-12)

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Rob Maaye, Sharon Ely and 2 others like this.

Comments (2)

Ralph Samwell said:

“So, I ask the question, is this a fair generalisation or do the very few blot the reputation of the overwhelming majority?”

One bad apple can spoil it for the whole bunch and so there are reasons why it could be a fair generalisation becasue,
“We don’t see reality as it is, we see reality as we are.” Prof D. Hoffman
With a mental mechanism called “conformational bias” we reject what doesn’t fit into our beliefs and believe what does, even with over-whelming evidence to the contrary. We don’t like contradictory evidence of our beliefs and prejudices.
“Good science is to not fool yourself, and the easiest person to fool is yourself.” Albert Einstein
Everyone DOES have their own perceived dreams, outcomes and goals, and this can be wholly different to what it takes to be the best, one can be. There is nothing more inconsistent, than a human being; there is nothing more complex than the human brain. The great Sugar Ray Lenard understood this when he said; “The biggest fight I had, was the one with myself getting in the way of my success. When I won that, that’s when I became world champion.”
The data speaks for itself; the chance of finding a parent that really understands what is needed to achieve elite success, must be the same as the chance of finding an athlete with the same understanding; and finding both together, even rarer, and even if they do, they have to find a coach that also gets it. “There are some people out there that just don’t get it and never will.” Elite sports psychologists call it the golden triage. Probably why so few really get the results they are capable of; chance. And Chance is the right word, finding an Olympic potential is the same as winning the lottery, someone wins every week, just as someone is struck by lightning, it’s about the same odds. A lot of coaches and most parents, sell dreams and not reality.

In terms of psychology, the coach is highly motivated, it’s their job.
In terms of psychology, the athlete is highly motivated, it’s their dream.
In terms of psychology, the parent’s motivation, comes from what?
It can only come from one area, and that is ‘vicarious’, living through something else other than yourself. Reflected glory, if my kid is perfect, I must be perfect. Parents do not ONLY want what is best for their kids but when you find them, they are as rare as the athlete that is truly committed to the process. We don’t really get to understand anything until we stress test it, any decant coach knows this.
Everyone IS looking out for their own, but often it’s their own self they are looking out for (Ayn Rand was one of the leading academic authorities of this, Richard Dawkins the latest).
One can’t please everybody, BECAUSE not every parent wants what is best for their kid. There is nothing more inconsistent, than a human being. “There are some people out there that just don’t get it and never will.”

There’s a reason why the subject of parents is so contentious and at the fore front, it’s because, not all parents have the best interests of their child and not because of lack of effort from the coaches.

It’s a Utopian dream idea where everybody knows everything, we’ve had our best philosophers and psychologist over the past 3000 years and still nobody has come up with the perfect way of living, if it was out there, we’d be doing it by now. But Rich Bland is right, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try, Coaches’ live in hope.
Every human has debatably “Free-Will” and it’s the parents’ choice, not the coaches, to be a dirty word.

 · Rich Bland likes this.
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Ralph Samwell said:

Researchers Zilibotti and Doepke assert that parents are driven by a combination of altruism -- a desire for their children to succeed -- and paternalism that leads them to try to influence their children's choices, either by molding their children's preferences or restricting them. These motivations manifest in three parenting styles: A permissive style that affords children the freedom to follow their inclinations and learn from their own experiences; an authoritative style in which parents try to mold their children's preferences to induce choices consistent with the parents' notions of achieving success; and an authoritarian style in which parents impose their will on their children and control their choices.
"There is an element of common interest between parents and children -- a drive for success -- but there is tension where parents care more about their children's wellbeing as adults," Zilibotti said. "We postulate that socioeconomic conditions drive how much control or monitoring parents exercise on their children's choices."

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